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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Nigella Lawson, baby's got back!

Apparently the Food Network won't show celebrichef Nigella Lawson below the waist because of her huge ass. Instead they will focus more on her cleavage, tongue and eyes. Hell yeah! Somebody needs to tell Nigella that's there's nothing wrong with a little back. To get the ratings even higher I suggest she tilt back her head and pour cream down her chest while licking her lips. Oh man my dough is rising just thinking about that. As long as she doesn't let herself completely go like Rachael Ray, I'd still do her. Even without the cream.

Check it!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Drunkorexia, oh really?

Honestly, WTF will they come up with next? I thought Restless Leg Syndrome was a joke, but apparently there's even a foundation for that shit. Check it:

Restless legs syndrome (RLS) is a neurological condition that is characterized by the irresistible urge to move the legs.

I guess drunkorexia is the irresistible urge to drink instead of eating? And since Faux News is covering it, you know it must be something serious. They should just quit calling it drunkorexia and call it by its real name, "being a supermodel."

Monday, March 17, 2008

The wonderful world of medicine

Yes, doctor, this guy is phucked! For 32 years Shark has managed to avoid any serious health issues, or any frequent pill-popping, but no more! Shark had his blood pressure taken a few weeks ago and the nurse warned him that his blood pressure was a bit high and that he should go and get it checked out. Not being very smart, Shark decided not to heed the advice until finally being worn down by parental and spousal nagging to go see a doctor.

After an examination that included a lot of probing, the doctor prescribed Shark some medicine for hypertension. Shark is thus a pill-popping, medical-establishment-supporting-for-life sucker. Luckily Shark had decided to put money into his flexible spending account this year, so he was able to pay for the doctor's visit and medicine. Even though he has health care insurance, co-pays totally suck. Shark is now a bit poorer, but, we suppose, also a bit healthier. Stay tuned for side effects...

Happy St. Patrick's Day

So it's that time of year again, when people get dressed in green and go out to pubs and make complete fools of themselves. Sounds like an average day at my house, but at least we have an excuse on this day. Yes, it's St. Patrick's Day, and I must admit I have no idea why it's celebrated. I'm also too tired to Google it, so I'm just going to imagine that it has something to do about a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, a leprechaun, a vat of Guinness, potatoes, and an emigration to America. Get your drink on! And stay safe, ya bastards!

Friday, March 07, 2008

NYC bar bans "Danny Boy"

And this ahead of St. Patrick's Day? WTF are they thinking? I don't know jack about Irish culture, but Danny Boy is a very good song. I especially loved the rendition from Miller's Crossing.